Advice Archive

My boyfriend has this thing about being extremely nice to everyone in his life, like his friends and family, but he doesn't know how to say "no". He doesn't want to come off as being a mean person. All I want from him is time. When we were just friends, I had all of his time. He had school, work, family and friends, yet he always found time to spend with me. Now I get every excuse in the book. I told him how I feel, but not much has improved. He told me he's going to try and make more of an effort because he hadn't noticed that he had changed. I told him to improve and that if he did not, then there's no point in us being a couple. If I had more than enough time from him when we were friends, why should it change now that we are a couple?

You sound like a bitch, and your boyfriend sounds like a pussy. This is a common pairing. Most relationships in college are composed of a domineering bitch and a pussy whipped half-a-fag.

What has changed since you have become a couple you ask. Well for one thing, now he is fucking you. The excitement involved in the pursuit of your vile cooch has dissipated. However, lucky for you your boyfriend is a pussy, and rather risk moving on he has chosen to stay put and suffer a slow and painful death.

Every time he looks at your cold listless eyes, he wants to cry out in despair. His chest tightens up, and a wave of nausea flows through his body whenever you are around. When your icy touch molests his skin, his heart aches for a release from this torment. Every imperfection on your body disgusts him. In his eyes, you are a freak, and you sicken him. Your shrill voice pierces his soul, and it thrusts him into a downward spiral of deep depression. In this wretched state the thought of suicide is his only friend. He hates you for what you have done to him, and despises himself even more for letting you do it.

But other than that I do not know why is not spending enough time with you.

This guy-- well he was my ex only for a month and half but after he dumped me, we have been friends for almost 2 years now and he told me he admitted he do "still" have feelings for me but don't want to lead on me. How can he have feelings for me but don't want to be involve relationship with me? He can't do that, can he? By the way, I'm 23 and he's 22.

You didn't mention why he dumped you. I'll just assume its because you got fat. Shame on you!

See the "feelings" he is referring to is really just one feeling. The feeling that he wouldn't mind still sticking his dick in your orfices. Of course he wants to lead you on. That is how guys get fuck buddies. You lead them on with phrases like "I think I have feelings for you", when what you mean is "I think I want to cum on your face some more". So deceide if you want to be his fuck buddy or not. If you aren't doing anything else then why not right?

About 3 weeks ago my best firend and I got really drunk and i did what i though i would never do with him. and that was sleep with him. and we did. i ask myself if i was sober, would i have let him have sex with me, and the answer would of been no. But I was drunk and i let him., he didnt force me, but i didnt say no or yes to anything. i just went with it.
Yes I have serious feelings for him that i have never admited to him before, so maybe thats why i let him. i dono .

im 19 and it was his birthday that day and he just turned 26.

But after we did it, i felt werid, like it was so right yet so wrong. He took good care of me after the next day because i had one ..a horrible hang over and i was hurten alout. because i never actualy had sex before so he took my verginity. the next morning he told me he was sorry for what he did because i was just all weird. i still was kinda drunk i had so much to drink. i told him to not tell anyone. i didnt want ot be a prize girl that he had laied. but i dont regret at all what we did. infact if it was anyone im glad it was someone i respected.

but now ever sence this happened we didnt talk about it ever again. and he is back to his normal self. he still sleeps around with other girls, but i dono how to bring it up to him on how i feel.

Oh my God! This guy is fucking hilarious! From your spelling, grammar, and sentence construction I can tell you have Down Syndrome, or Fetal Alcohol Syndrome, I cannot be sure which. Since you were able to write this and put it on the Internet, your retardation is a least functional. As for your male friend lets review what we know about him.
1) He befriended a retard.
2) He got the retard drunk.
3) He took the retards "verginity".
The fact that you are 19 and he is 26 is pretty much rendered irrelevant in light of the other details of this affair. Now to win a man of such extraordinary character you must throw on your helmet, and your best retard threads (some sort of oversized t-shirt and hot pants). Meet him in a public place and scream (while jabbing him with your retarded fingers) "Hey you fucked me RETARDED!!". Then paw at his crotch while babbling your retard gibberish. He will be yours forever after this passionate display. If this doesn't work then just be grateful that a guy took the time to fill your snatch with DNA containing the proper number of chromosomes.

My husband and I have been married for almost 3 years, together for almost 6. When we first started dating, we had sex all the time and it was GREAT. I still remember the first time and how wonderful it was. About a year into our relationship, I quit wanting to have sex. It wasn't like I didn't love him, I just didn't want to have sex. Now, we are going on 3 years married, and I still don't want to have sex. There are sometimes that I do want to have sex, but those are rare. I don't know how to fix this. I don't want my husband to think that he's unattractive or that he doesn't please me, because he does. I just need to know if anyone else has ever felt this way and some advice on how to overcome it.

You are a cold bitch and do not deserve love. You obviously have mental problems, and you should medicate yourself heavily. Also, start eating compulsively to fill the emptiness you feel inside. This way you will be a hefty porker when your husband leaves you, and no man will be tricked into falling for a frigid bitch like yourself. If your husband does not want to get frostbite on his dick, he should avoid having sex with you.

My girlfriend and I are 21 and 22 respectively (I'm her first boyfriend). We both enjoy being intimate with each other a lot (heavy petting, masturbation...we haven't had sex yet). The problem is that she has a significantly lower sex drive than me. She seems to be happy being intimate once every 2-3 days, while I am in the mood almost all the time. She likes it in the evening, I like it in the morning and in the evening. The issue here is that I make the advances towards intimacy most of the time, while she sort of accepts or rejects. And seeing that she has a lower libido, I get that "not in the mood" gesture most of the time. Although she rejects in a sweet and kind way, it still makes me feel...well...rejected to some degree. It makes me feel that we can only be intimate when she wants to and never when I want to. I'm failing to see a solution for this. I don't like making advances if I know they will most probably be rejected. And if I stop making advances altogether she might think I'm rejecting her. In some way it feels like she has this power over me, and sometimes it frustrates me. It feels like it's a weakness of me and that I'm too dependant on her for my sexual needs. Sure I could take care of my sexual needs on my own but it just doesn't feel that great, and I don't want to start looking at porn. She told me once that she would take care of it whenever I want to, but if I have to ask her then I again feel that she has this power over me. I'd like her to make advances towards me for a change. I don't know if anybody understands how I feel...maybe there is fault on my side!?!? I know I can't expect her to "increase her libido" on my behalf. I also don't want her to feel like she has to take care of my sexual needs...I want her to want it too. I'd appreciate it if someone has a little advice for me. Thanks for reading!

While we are stating the obvious, the sky is blue, grass is green, and everyone dies. Congratulations you are not a complete retard you figured out that women control the sex in a relationship. I could explain how both you and her are following common biologically preprogrammed sexual behaviors, but that would not help you. I have determined that your problem is that you are a real bitch. Here is why.

You said you do not want to "start" looking at porn. Are you 12? What normal male has not been looking at porn at least since they were 16? Guess what we never stop looking at porn either, a relationship just determines the amount of porn we look at. You also said that you are afraid to ask her to take care of your needs because it just gives her more power. I do not see how she could have any more power, you little bitch. If you acted like a man instead of the wimpy twat you are, maybe she would have respect for you, and want to have sex with you. However, all signs point to you being an effeminate tool. Thus, her libido will stay low until she can find a adequate male to fuck her. If your testicles ever descend, you could let her know that you are not sexually satisfied, then drop hints that you are looking for other girls to satisfy you. If that does not cause her to raise her libido on her own, then "she is not that into you".

This is the first question actually submitted to me.
so...say if i have this friend who wanted to have sex with you. how would she go about seducing you with her womanly ways?

The first thing she should do is learn proper tenses.
Since I have seen the person to whom you refer, and determined that she is a adequate receptacle for my inseminate this should be easy.
She should laugh at what I say.
She should always be touching my crotch... I cannot stress this enough. When I go to bathroom, she should offer to hold my dick for me! That is the level of attention I require.
I love when a girl gets me drinks. This is not required and will not guarantee sex for your "friend", but it helps her chances. On a side note I once got an ugly girl to give me "straight cash homie".
Now on to the final step she should perform. She must leave with me, either too her place or mine I do not care which. She must get naked and spread her legs. This step is crucial! I cannot stress this enough. I have never had sex with someone who did not perform this last step.

What should a guy do when he runs into an "uncomfortable silence" during a conversation with a woman?

Kiss her, drink, or walk away.

If a woman is showing interest in a man during their first time together, do you think he should make a move?

Umm yes, unless the woman that is showing interest in you is a man, of course you should make a move. See you are a man your job is to make the move. It is this alleged woman's prerogative to stop you whenever she wants. Why do you think women carry mace, have rape whistles, and keep kneeing me in the groin?

How should a guy react when he's "hooking up" with a woman and she starts saying things like, "I usually don't do this," or "I usually don't move this fast," even though she's obviously into it?

Tighten the ball gag. If for some strange reason she is not gagged, and she refuses to shut the fuck up. Then I will tell you what I would do in this situation. Ignore her. I am not saying rape her. Just do not pay attention to her moronic moralizing, which she has decided to vocalize at the worst possible moment. Skip all foreplay! Start fucking her immediately. Hopefully she will be relatively dry. Then the sounds coming from her will be winces of pain, instead of idiotic halfhearted objections.

I have real problems getting over my last two ex boyfriends even though I am in a wonderful relationship with my current boyfriend. One ex is my first love and we were together 3 years, the other is my current ex and we were together for a year. I think I still have feelings for them both and I am truly torn since they are both interested in getting back together with me. I am happy with my current boyfriend but for how long? I don't want to hurt anyone but I feel like I am missing out on something.

I'm sorry I stopped reading half way through how many dudes are you fucking right now?
Just kidding I read the whole thing. Here is my advice. Stop being a size queen whore! Your old boyfriends have bigger wangs then your current one, and now you want to leave him for them isn't that right? Go buy a huge dildo, and shut the fuck up.

I have been in a relationship with my GF for more than a month and she pisses me off non-stop. When I talk to her about it she doesn't understand my point of view. I don't think I could ever break up with her because she means too much to me. I'm more than willing to bend over backwards to try and make this work, but I feel like there is a maturity issue (she's 19 and I'm 21) or that something has been bothering her but she won't tell me about it. What should I do?

Hit her in the face. Not too hard, but let her know you mean business. I hear you on that maturity issue thing. 19 is way too mature for me also. I suggest you find out the age of consent in your area, then cruise your local high schools.

I have been wondering if giving a girl multiple orgasms is rare or not. I have heard it is, but only started giving my girlfriend oral sex not too long ago and can already give her multiple orgasms. I went from one a few times, to two another time, and then four the next time after that. I also ask what the best way is to find her G-spot... she has told me she would love to experience me finding it.

You pussy-whipped little bitch. Who the fuck cares about giving multiple orgasms to a girl. Your girlfriend is obviously a dike, and is getting off on pretending you are some butch lapping away at her twat. To answer your second question the female G-spot is deep in a girl's ass, just fuck it as hard and as deep as you can. Do not worry about her protesting, you said "she has told me she would love to experience me finding it" if that is not an open invitation to fuck her in the ass I do not know what is.

My girlfriend's birthday is coming up and I don't know what to give her. I want her to never forget the evening. Do you have any ideas?

Ahh you came to right place. When giving a woman an unforgettable evening it is all about setting the right mood. This may sound cheesy, but some things are always classy. Take her out to a nice romantic restaurant. Complement her throughout the meal, and drop hints that you have a big surprise waiting for her at your place. This will help build the anticipation, and that is half the fun for her. When you get back to your place, have your room setup for the perfect sensual atmosphere. That means candles, soft music, and flower peddles all on the bed. Now is a good time to tell her how much you love her. Undress her and lay her down on the bed. Tell her to close her eyes, then take down your pants. Now SHIT on her chest. They say a diamond is forever, well I do not know too many girls that would forget a "Cleveland Steamer".