Celebrities I Want to Fuck (2005 Edition)
Here are the top 10 celebrities I want to fuck in 2005 (I did not include models).
10) Lindsay Lohan - I do not know what it is about Lindsay Lohan. She is not my "type" at all. I usually do not go for red heads. I am especially critical of a celebrity's looks if I think they are over-rated (like Brittany Spears for instance). Despite all this, I still want to fuck Lindsay Lohan. I cannot explain it. Maybe I see something special in her, or maybe it is her huge rack... I just don't know.
9) Ashley Olsen - Ok, first for everyone who has not known me for a long time. I have been on the fucking the Olsen twin bandwagon way before it was funny and "edgy" for a guy to say he wanted to fuck them. I am talking like 5 years ago when it was considered sick and disturbing to talk about them in sexual way. I only want to fuck Ashley though, because I do not want Mary Kate puking on my dick. Sure it is funny when a drunk girl does it, but when an anorexic does it, it is just sad. Doesn't she know my cum is low fat?
8) Meagan Good - You may have seen her in "Biker Boyz" or the 50 cent "21 Questions" video. What can I say she is hot as hell. Also, I am a PC douche, so she is my "token". A token that I want to fuck that is.
7) Tiffani-Amber Thiessen - My first love Kelly Kapowski. You never forget your first, and she still brings back found memories for me. On a side note, Fox should bring back Fastlane. That show was awesome, and I got to see Tiffani once a week. That was the second biggest mistake Fox ever made. Of course canceling Family Guy was the first. It is awesome that people finally get that show, but I digress.
6) William Hung - Holy shit I want to fuck the shit out of this guy! I want you William. I am going to bang you back to Bangkok.
5) Elizabeth Hurley - My MILF. She was the hottest celebrity in her prime. She is still hot as hell, and definitely, a bonafide certified MILF. Being hot and an English woman is rare, but when it happens it is really nice.
4) Susan Ward - She has been under the radar forever. You may remember her from "Shallow Hal". She was the smoking hot neighbor. She has done some nice topless scenes in other films you might catch on HBO late night. That is the kind of stuff you have to do when you never really make it in Hollywood. God bless her.
3) Jennifer Love Hewitt - I consider "Heartbreakers" a great movie. I do not know how much of that is Jennifer Love Hewitt. I am still waiting for her to become a dirty whore though. This nice girl shit is getting old. That being said she is still the definition of hot.
2) Keira Knightly - Another hot English woman. What are the odds! Has anyone else seen "Bend It Like Beckham". What kind of faggot Irishman would choose a plain looking Indian girl over Keira Knightly! That part was beyond absurd. I bet 99% of Indian guys would choose Keira Knightly over that Indian girl.
1) Jessica Alba - Congratulations Jessica! You are the girl I most want to fuck this year. Contact me to accept your award.
Angelina Jolie - She is hot. She has sort of a reptilian look to her though. Her lips look busted now. I do not know if that is from too much collagen. Come to think of it, everything about her looks busted. I do not know if that is from too much Colin Farrell.
Jessica Simpson - It does not matter to me that she is stupid. She looks like she can take a punch. Seriously though, Jessica when you and Nick get a divorce give me a call. I will expect your call in about 3 months.
Natasha Henstridge - The looks are fading. She use to go topless in every movie she was in. What happened?