The Da Vinci Code 2: The Unholy Booty Call

Paris, France 3:22AM

Renowned historian Robert Langdon tosses and turns restlessly in his bed. He kicks off the sheets, and lets out a sigh of frustration.

"I need a release. The taste of hooker's blood just won't quench this burning desire. Tonight I need an emotional conquest."

Turning towards the nightstand he locates his little black book and fumbles through the pages. As his hand methodically dials the numbers, he rehearses what he is going to say to her. He takes a deep breath and collects himself as the phone begins to ring.

"Hello Sophie?"
"I hope I did not wake you. This is Robert Langdon... You know the grail guy."
"Oh Robert. No, you didn't wake me I was up."
"Cool, cool. So umm what are you doing?"
"Nothing much. Just waxing my vag."
"Awesome... I'm having trouble sleeping myself."
"So I was sort of wandering if maybe you would wanna come over and hangout for a bit. We could crack open a bottle of Boone's Farm, and see if you can turn it into real wine."
"Haha... Listen Robert I'm sorry if I gave you the wrong impression but I am a dyke."
"What? You are?"
"Yeah big time. I'm not gonna conform to societies standards just because I am the only living descendent of Jesus you know?"
"Yeah I guess."
"Besides I am pretty serious with this girl Paula right now. She can lick a mean twat let me tell you. She puts a spit shine on it, I can see my reflection in it."
"Mmm, that is hot. So I guess Jesus' blood line is going to end with you then huh?"
"Well Paula and I were just talking about that and we got in a huge fight. We agree that I should probably get inseminated, but we can't agree on who the father should be."
"Really? Well just so you know I would be willing to get in on that."
"Oh your sweet. Your name is definitely on the list. But when I was a little girl I was a huge fan of the show Good Times. I think it would be a fitting tribute to the show if I got a black man's splooge. You know create a real life black Jesus just like JJ envisioned."
"Don't you start! The idea has already made Paula's cooch drier than Nazareth! That's why I am waxing my vag, Paula loves her some hairless snatch. Speaking of which I gotta go."
"Ok well it was nice talking to�"
"Jesus Christ!"