May 29, 2005

Things to say in a Doctor's Office Waiting Room

The waiting room at a doctor's office can be quite uncomfortable. With everyone casting suspicious glances at you trying to determine what sort of STD, you are seeking treatment for. Luckily, I have devised a series of statements to get rid of that waiting room awkwardness. With these helpful little ice breakers you will immediately ingratiate yourself to the whole waiting room, and hopefully contract a few more STDs in the process.

Things to say in a Doctor's Office Waiting Room:

- Did you know that the new strains of Gonorrhea are quite virulent and not susceptible to Penicillin?

- I like to give them a reason to change the paper on the examining table.

- You know I do not trust these so called medical "advancements". Like this oral thermometer. No sir, give me a nice rectal thermometer any day of the week!

- Who here thinks the holocaust actually happened?

- Oh my god look at that guy over there. He looks quite feeble and frail. Look at how brawny and robust I appear in comparison. Why I bet I could break that poor creature in half. He must not come from very good stock� What do you mean he is just a baby? It's Eugenics my dear woman!

- You know who gets a bad rap�Black people!

- This merkin really itches! (A merkin is a pubic wig)

- Who here has heard that Seinfeld joke about waiting rooms? You know the one were he says there are two waiting rooms and that the next is just a smaller waiting room without magazines. (Pause for laughter) Yeah that Seinfeld is a funny guy but I think he might be a J-E-W. I am going to ask Dr. Fiddlestein what he thinks.

- When are they going to start offering medication in convenient suppository form?

- I think I might be coming down with a real bad case of the Chinese.

- This doctor is the best in town. I cum almost every time!

posted by John 5:13PM