Here are my favorite drinking toasts. I have memorized them all, but can never recall more than one or two when I am drinking. These are great for weddings... and funerals.
Here's to the perfect girl.
Who could ask for more,
She's deaf 'n dumb, oversexed, and owns a liquor store.
Here's to honor.
Get on her,
Stay on her,
And if you can't cum in her,
Cum on her.
Here's to the hole that never heals,
The more you rub it the better it feels,
And all the soap this side of hell,
Won't wash away that fishy smell
Here's to you and here's to me,
And to all the girls that lick us where we pee.
Here's to those who sit when they pee.
We love 'em in leather,
We love 'em in lace,
But we love 'em the best when they sit on our face.
Of all my favorite things to do,
The utmost is to have a brew.
My love grows for my foamy friend,
With each thirst-quenching elbow bend.
Beer's so frothy, smooth and cold--
It's paradise--pure liquid gold.
Yes, beer means many things to me...
That's all for now, I gotta pee!
Here’s to a long life and a happy one.
A quick death and an easy one.
A pretty girl and an honest one.
A cold beer and another one!
Best while you have it use your breath,
There is no drinking after death.
To women and horses,
And the men that ride them.
DOH - The stuff that buys me beer.
RAY - The guy who sells me beer.
ME - The guys who drinks the beer.
FAR - A long way to get beer.
SO - I'll have another beer.
LA - I'll have another beer.
TEA - No thanks I'm drinking beer.
And that brings me back to DOH!
Here's to women.
No other creature in Heaven or hell,
Can take the fruit from a nut,
Without ever breaking the shell.
Down your throat,
Into your bladder,
Which end it comes out,
Does it really matter?