June 5, 2005

Jessica Simpson Revealed

When I heard that Jessica Simpson had sex with Johnny Knoxville and Bam Margera frankly, I was shocked. After I unhooked my testicle clamps from the car battery, I was still pretty surprised that JS would do such a thing. Obviously, Jessica does not know how to measure a man's worth. Hell, she married Nick, when all the members of LFO and O-Town were available. I do not want to say that she could have landed a Joey Fatone, but she definitely could have made a play for him.

Ok her marriage is falling apart. Her husband resents her success and is getting HJs from strippers, but fucking Bam and Knoxville is inexcusable. I mean she could be fucking for spite with someone with talent like say a Brad Pitt, Tom Brady, or Gary Coleman.

If there is karma in this universe then Johnny Knoxville, Bam Margera, Kevin Federline, Pauly Shore, and Wilmer Valderrama will all have there genitals brutally mutilated in some sort of industrial accident. Maybe they will all take a tour of a dildo factory and curiosity will take hold of them, then the next thing you know... the universe will have evened itself out.

posted by John 5:02PM