February 13, 2006
Muhammad Is A True
I received an email from a very insightful and possibly smelly Muslim. In it, he includes an essay entitled "Twelve Proofs That Muhammad Is A True". Because this title is open-ended I can speculate on it's meaning.
Muhammad is a true what? My friend who sent the email would probably argue that the answer is "prophet", while I on the other hand am not convinced. I think the answer is "pussy boy power bottom", and I have twelve proofs of my own to prove it.
1. Less renowned then Jesus walking on water then turning it into wine. Muhammad's miracles include sucking a golf ball through a garden hose, and shitting a whole taco.
2. Muhammad wrote the original script for Brokeback Mountain. In his version there were 27 different scenes involving anal fisting. Hollywood deemed it "too gay".
3. Muhammad never claimed the Koran was holy. Scholars believe he was misinterpreted when talking about his Korean sex boy Lee and his hole.
4. Camels use to be known for swallowing until one gave Muhammad a blowjob.
5. Muhammad never moved a mountain. What he actually said was "move so I can mount him".
6. Muhammad literally pulled the Koran out of his ass. To this day Muslims revere and attempt to imitate the original smell.
7. Allah Akbar is gibberish. Muhammad was trying to discuss actor Alan Alda when some jiz got caught in his throat.
8. Muhammad could never grow a proper beard. His facial hair mainly consisted of the ball pubes from goat herders he would "preach" too.
9. Muhammad was the first Goatse man.
10. Muhammad's shadow was often seen on it's knees bobbing up and down in his cave. Shouts about God echoed through the day and night. Today all Muslims imitate this praying style.
11. Muhammad was immune to AIDS. Not because of any divine power, but because he had so much AIDS in him that the virus decided to not even bother killing him.
12. When Muhammad promised martyrs 72 virgins, he actually meant virgin boys. Think about it, why would anyone want a bloody dick and 72 clingy girls following them around.
These proofs prove that Muhammad is a true lady boy cock jockey. Only an arrogant infidel would deny this revelation.
posted by John 1:00PM