April 14, 2005

My Son The Pimp

When I have a son, he is going to get so much pussy (see I said "when" Laquanda, the kid don't even look like me, yousa hoe!). I want my son to get crazy ass. I'm talking boy band ass. No wait, more like a boy band that just won the national championship. That is the level of ass I am talking about.

I will see to it that he drives the best car in his high school. If I can't afford to get him the best car, then I will send him to a poorer school, were I can afford it.

When my kid goes to college he will join the best frat. By "best", I mean the one that gets the most ass of course (girl ass that is). Most frat guys may be douches, but my son will be their king.

Oh he will be a classy and sharp guy. Well dressed and groomed. He will take his numerous ladies out to nice restaurants, and buy them colorful alcoholic beverages. Then he will fuck the shit on them, while wearing only the finest lambskin condoms.

When my son knocks up a chick, wire hangers will not be necessary. He will take her to the abortion clinic like a gentleman. If the greedy bitch doesn't want to abort it. I will arrange for her to meet with an accident. We will be just like the Kennedy's, only without all the dieing.

Lots of dads live vicariously through their sons in sports. I want to do that as well. But I want to live vicariously through his sex life as well. I will be the world's greatest dad! Nothing is to good for my boy as long as he keeps me in the know.

posted by John 3:19PM