Now I am not a Retardologist, but I do enjoy observing retards. From my years of observation, I have been able to develop the formative theory on Retardology. Like Newton under the apple tree, this idea hit me with all its common sense brilliance, and far-reaching effects. This incite is almost intuitive and predicated upon the established wisdom that ignorance is bliss i.e. I=B.

  There are two types of retards in this world. There are happy retards and angry retards. I have talked with people who work in the "special ed" field and they seem to be ignorant of these palpable phyla of tard. Obviously, our educational system has failed when those trained to work with retards do not even know the basic classifications, which can be easily observed. For this reason I will present my theory on retards.

  Any serious observer of retards can recognize that some retards appear to be happy all the time. These happy retards run about with ease with big goofy smiles on their face. They can find immense pleasure in things like watching bugs, eating crackers, or smelling grass. While in contrast some retards appear to be quite mad. These angry retards stomp about with smirks. They are often antisocial and mumble to themselves as they shoot irate glances at those passing by.

  What makes a retard a happy retard or an angry retard? Well there is obviously some genetic difference between the too, but I will leave that to be discovered by the professional retardologists. What I can explain is the general idea on what causes some retards to develop into happy retards and some to develop into angry retards. The difference lies in their varying degrees of intelligence. The angry retards are smarter than the happy retards they actually know they are retarded and they are pissed off about it. Happy retards are running about blissfully ignorant. When someone laughs at them, happy retards laugh with them. They think they have made a new friend. While in contrast an angry retard knows that, someone laughing at them is not their friend.

  Ignorance is bliss. Not knowing really anything has allowed happy retards to remain in a perpetual state of euphoria. They are truly God's favored children, and blessed to be in a state that many "normals" have to take tons of drugs to achieve.

  A little knowledge is a terrible thing. The angry retards are forever cursed with the knowledge that they are retarded, and they can do nothing about it. Because, well, they are RETARDED.

  What conclusions can we draw from this theory? Well I for one think it is a great travesty, that in our country we go and try to educate our retards. It is cruel (and possibly a human rights violation) to try to force retards to acquire any form of intelligence, which would only cause them pain and be a hindrance to them. Only angry retards might find some value in an education by learning how to function in the world. This is not a cure though for Angry Retard Syndrome or ARS. Maybe someday, medical science will find a way to rid the angry retards of their little bit of intelligence. Happy retards on the other hand should be allowed to continue to exist in their own little utopias, and brighten up the days of us "normals" who see them about retarding it up.