You Owe Us Nudity

I believe every good-looking female celebrity owes us nudity. They all have little to no talent and we (the general public) have made them obscenely rich. It really is the least they can do.

However, some celebrities are especially indebted to us. Well the bill collector is here ladies. Time to drop those panties and pay up. I expect all of the following celebrities to have a nude spread in Playboy, Penthouse, or Asian Cum Sluts Monthly by the end of the year.

The Olsen Twins

Why you owe us nudity?

There was so much hype about you turning 18. What happened when you did? Nothing! You ate a piece of cake, threw it up, did some blow, and then had horrible sex with some douche Hollywood club rats. You owe us nudity. I don't even care that the spread would look like a brochure for Auschwitz.

Angelina Jolie

Why you owe us nudity?

I know you have done nude scenes before, but they were nothing I could work to completion with. Why do you owe us more nudity? Because you have been walking around with that vagina stapled to your face for the past 10 years. If your lips are any indication of what is going on between your legs, then your labia will have their own foldout.

Jennifer Love Hewitt

Why you owe us nudity?

Honestly, enough already with this good girl act. You have been single in Hollywood for years. Which means you have been fucked every which way. I would probably have to Google some of the stuff that you have done. You aren't fooling anyone. Get naked immediately!

Jessica Alba:

Why you owe us nudity?

You are the hottest woman on the planet right now. Why do you have to do the absolute worst movies? I honestly think this a conscience act on your part. You are sadistic. You owe us vag!

Cameron Diaz

Why you owe us nudity?

One word… well it is actually not even a word, it is one of the shittiest TV shows ever conceived (or should I say aborted) "Trippin". You owe us nudity because you are stunning, but so damn stupid and annoying that you make us want to kick you in the throat. I wouldn't think it was even possible for a girl as hot as you to incite me to violence, but you somehow manage to do this. The only way you can become tolerable now is by being a masturbatory aid.

Christina Aguilera

Why you owe us nudity?

You talked a lot of shit about being a dirty little whore, but then you went and married your long time boyfriend. Fuck you! You singing about clit piercings, fellatio, and donkey punches. Then you run off and pretend to be a housewife. Sorry sweetheart you owe us nudity, graphic nudity at that. I want to put a picture of your vagina against my ear to see if I can hear the ocean.

Britney Spears

Why you owe us nudity?

You lied about being a virgin. Then you let Fred Durst and Kevin Federline have free reign of your stink hole. Lets not pretend you have any dignity left. Oh and at least have the decency to lose some weight before you get in front of the camera. Thanks.

Anna Kournikova

Why you owe us nudity?

Game, set, and match bitch! You have been on a gravy train with biscuit wheels! Now its time for you to get familiar with a different type of train. Pretending to play tennis was adorable, but you got way more than we received. Lets see how red you are comrade.

By this time next year I better be able to post real nude pictures of these celebrities, or the ensuing boycotts and class action lawsuits will have all of you waiting on tables or dancing on top of them.