Advice Archive

I want your sex. What do I do?

Get me drunk and tell me I am pretty.

How do I get a girl to go out with me that likes me and another guy?

The secret is too ignore the girl and go after the guy. That will make her all sorts of jealous.

Ok i want to kno how i can make my boyfrind cum? jus suckin his dick is not doin you have any other ways?

Good thing you came to me with this question. Next time you are blowing him shove some fingers hard up his ass. Then say "You like that Sally? Who is my little bitch?". He will put a fresh coat on your throat I guarantee.

As a child I was repeatedly mollested by my uncle.

Sounds like you were asking for it.

Over time the wounds begain to heal but reciently during an episode of "LOST" I begain to feel homosexual tendencies. They were so strong that I had all I could do to keep from masturbating. My question is should I attempt to casturate myself in an attempt to control these urges?

I thought inducing a homoerotic response was the whole appeal of the show. Yes you should castrate yourself. I can not emphasis this enough people, ALWAYS castrate yourself.

So its like this. I got a few lady friends. You know. Just friends. Nothing (and i mean NOTHING) beyond... unfortunate I know. One of them, who happens to be the colser friend of mine, just so happens to also be and ex of mine. Now I aint no queer who likes having just friends. It's great and all for the laughs, but i do keep suggesting we have meaningless fun sex. It is harmless isnt it?! But she keeps on laughing and not taking it seriously and in the mean time dating guys, who she then has "feelings" for but nothing happens with it and she gets all bummed up and shit. WHAT DO I DO TO MAKE HER UNDERSTAND THAT WE CAN HAVE HARMLESS FUN NO STRINGS ATTACHED AND SHIT SEX?! IT WOULD FUCKING KEEP US BOTH HAPPY AND CONTENT!!! Is there any fucking way to do this or should i just start yelling at the bitch till she gets a restraining order???

Yes you should castrate yourself. Listen here queer, girls are not like the fellas down at the truck stop. Most don't like having meaningless sex, and the ones that do can get it from cooler guys than you.

Can I have your baby?

Depends are you from pure Aryan stock? Sieg Hail!

Should I dump my boyfriend and sleep with you instead?

I don't know about dumping your boyfriend, but sleeping with me is always a good idea.

I keep getting fucked in the head...and not literally... although how is that possible?!

It is possible. I could show you.

Started dating guys I've met online...yep, roll your eyes

Actually I grabbed my balls and rubbed my taint, but I am always doing that.

I just don't get the behavior.

None have raped you yet?

This one guy I see about once a week...for two fucking hours...yep, all he gives me.

It is hard to maintain a buzz for longer than that.

I've given him many outs, even said the ever popular words "Your just not into me", which his reply is, I've been through so much and I really don't know if I can try again, I really like you, but we need to move really slow. And how fucking slow...TWO hours a phone calls...and yet, he emails me some of his personal poetry (I sent him some in past)

You sound like a great couple. Send me some of his poetry.

we've only had sex once...he wanted to wait.

Can you blame him you talked a big game about a "diet".

He even met my friends even though he was really sick. Problem is, I really happen to like this no brainer huh. What's with all the fucking game playing?

The answer lies in the poems. Oh those magnificent poems!

Why are you so beautiful?

Why are you so observant?

Sometimes when I masterbate, I pee on myself...I'm a chick. is this normal?

I certainly hope so. Cause if it ain't then what the hell are we fighting for?

Can girls get pregnant from suckin dick? I heard they can, and am very worried about this, 2 girls hav got pregnant who both sucked on my wilson. now i dno if this is coincidence and that the same week they got rogered in the popper but apparently im the father of both.

Most girls no. English girls yes. Tally ho chap!

My boyfriend has disappeared off the face of the earth. I have no idea where the FUCK he is. I was worried at first, but now i'm just pissed. He hasn't tried to contact me or anything, and his family claims he hasn't been home at all in the past week or so. Should i just consider myself single and move on?

Either he was never your boyfriend or he found out you are pregnant. Either way you are single. YAY!

I really wanna do u, but u live so far away- what should I do?

How far? China? Start digging.

Well theres this girl at my school i really like and i know my parents would have a fit if i asked her out. or went anywhere with her what should I do?

Turn gay. That'll learn'em!

More Advice =>