May 13, 2005

Birthday Fuck Fest

Today is my birthday and I had planned to celebrate by holding a birthday fuck fest. But due to circumstances outside of my control (not a girlfriend btw) I must hold off on it. It would have been quite the adventure to be sure. I do not want to get into the details because I am not doing it, and will probably have to wait until next year. It was a damn good idea though.

Instead I have a little story.

I was playing tennis at my parent's club tennis courts. This is a pretty upscale place. They have a shit load of rules on etiquette, like you must have on a collard shirt ect. Anyway, on the court behind me is a family consisting of a father, mother, little girl (approx 8) and little boy (approx 12). They are playing doubles.

The father is 300+ lbs and obviously one of God's "chosen people". He is not wearing a shirt, and his fupa is flapping around as he waddles around the court. Adding to his offenses to decency, he is shouting constantly in his nauseating New York accent. This is the shit he was yelling and he was dead serious and borderline furious.

Father: What the fuck kind of shot was that! You suck! (too his son)
Father: Fucking do something! Its like I am playing with a retard! (too his daughter)
Father: At least go pick up the balls. You are totally useless! Run! (too his daughter)
Father: I could take all of you! Three on one! Lets go! (too his whole family)

The guy sucked at tennis too. Not only was he a fat piece of shit, but he hit the ball like a limp wristed queer (probably due to the fact that he could not swing the racket around his enormous gut). It was incredibly absurd of him to be talking shit, especially to his own family. Finally, he totally loses his fucking mind. When they are changing sides, he spits in his son's face and slaps him. The mother starts yelling, he throws his racket and walks away. Then the mother chastises the son for provoking him. They collect their rackets and balls and hurry after the father who is in the parking lot.

posted by John 4:33PM