May 11, 2005

Making an Impression

Now I give a lot of advice on how to interact with the opposite sex. I feel it is my duty to do so. It would be selfish of me not to share my extensive knowledge of the "female intellect" (oxymoron´┐Ż just kidding ladies you know I love ya).

I believe in making an impression on women. Whether the impression is good or bad depends on a variety of variables, which I cannot begin to worry about. Some of the time (most of the time when I am drunk) the impressions I make are extreme. Here is an example from the not too distant past.

To set the scene picture your typical college house party, and me drunk. Now up to this point in the night I had been interacting in a normal manner with my friends and various others at the party. Suddenly my state of drunkenness reached the point were I decided it was time for me to talk to every girl at this party, and by talk I mean yell at from my seat while I was playing cards.

Me: Hey! Slutty blonde come here! Where are you going? I am talking to you!
Me: Hey! Almost fat girl! I know you can hear me! Don't walk away!
Me: Hippy chick! Come here! Let's play cards you dirty hippy!
Me: Slutty blonde you are back! Come here! I want to talk to you!

I continue shouting at every girl in the immediate area and some across the room all whilst I am fighting off my roommate's girlfriend who is trying to muzzle me. By the time I am finished there is a good 10 feet between the table were I am and the next nearest person. All the girls are either lined up on the far wall or have gone outside. It was a funny sight. I settle down and go hangout outside.

I walk back in later, and who is playing cards with a bunch of douchebags slobbering all over her? None other than "Angel Tits". Angel Tits is a really pretty blonde with the most incredible real tits I have ever seen in my life. Her boyfriend is at the party as well, but he is a loser who she is way too good for. She is obviously looking to better deal him because she is always flirting with tons of other guys (who hang all over her like cracked out chimps with mother issues). As my luck would have it one of her admirers gets up to get a drink, I grab his seat and ignore his "hey I was sitting there", till he walks away.

Now Angel Tits is holding court at the table. She has guys hanging all over her delighting in her godly cleavage. She does not get all this attention because she acts overtly slutty, she is just that hot. The guys are all very nice to her and enjoy every kind gaze or word she might favor them with. What a bunch of tools! Her boyfriend is their king. He swoops in to check on his girl every so often to see if she needs anything and to show that he is "with" her. What the guys at the table fail to realize is that if she is with a tool, she is not going to leave one tool for another. What she is looking for is something different and exciting. Here I enter, since I know her situation (we have mutual friends) I immediately get to work separating myself from the pack.

I start by criticizing the way she is playing the card game. She is intrigued, she tells me to "shut up". I do not! I kick the impression making up a notch. I make numerous references to how stupid she is. She is enthralled. I doubt if she has ever had a guy she does not really know talk to her like this (remember she is incredibly hot). Her eyes are now locked unto me, and she is leaning forward with her angel tits resting on the table. My eyes dart between hers and the divine cleavage she is flaunting. Since we are playing a drinking game were you give out drinks, naturally all my drinks are going to her and all of hers are going to me. I decide now is a good time to step my game up. I call her a bitch. I even call her fat. She is totally engaged. She has stopped flirting with the tools. We go back and forth for over an hour. Her boyfriend sensing danger comes over and sits down. We have a bullshit little three-way conversation. Then she tells her boyfriend she is leaving, and that he should stay. He says he will walk her to her car. She agrees but acts annoyed. We say goodbye. On the way to the car, she stops to say goodbye to a girl friend of mine.

Angel Tits: "Who was that guy John?"
Girl: "Oh he is a friend of mine he can be a jerk sometimes."
Angel Tits: "Yeah what an asshole."
Angel Tits: "I mean, who does he think he is?"
Angel Tits: "Tell John that I hate him."

It is obvious that she wants me. Always make an impression. Even a bad impression can turn out to be a good impression.

posted by John 3:18PM